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DREW, piano, fried chicken
Drew was a model of consistency who excelled with minimum fanfare. Over
22 seasons, the quiet, durable Tiger outfielder accumulated 3,007 hits,
399 home runs, a .297 batting average, 10 Gold Gloves and 15 All-Star
team selections. "Mr. Tiger" won the batting title in 1955, hitting
.340 at the age of 20. His reputation as a clutch performer was
enhanced by his .379 average against St. Louis in the 1968 World
Series.
Fears: Hideki Matsui
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DAVE AARONSON, traps
Little is known about Aaronson's early life, but by the mid-1960's he
emerged on the jazz scene as a member of Bang Bang Boom, an
all-percussion group consisting of Aaronson, Tony Williams, and Elvin
Jones. They broke new rhythmic ground with Williams and Jones at the
helms of the band's signature duel drumsets. Aaronson played the
triangle. The critically acclaimed band was a commercial flop. In 1969,
Aaronson renounced drumming and quit the band, publicly calling
Williams "a show-off" and Jones "stupid." Ringo Starr, a major
BBB fan, was reportedly so upset over the band's breakup that he became
sullen and inconsolable, leading to fractures in The Beatles
and their breakup the following year.
Sightings of Aaronson since then have been rare.
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FABIO, bass guitar, perseverence through the tragic absurdity of modern
life
Born in Minnesota, Fabio's parents specifically requested that he enter
life in the same hospital room at Mount Sinai Hospital that Prince
Rogers Nelson was born in back in 1958. Unfortunately, that hospital
was demolished and replaced by a strip mall. Thus, Fabio had the
pleasure of entering this world in a Men's Wearhouse, where a dead
ringer for George Zimmer served as midwife. Sometime between then and
now, he learned the bass and grew a beard.
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ALEX, saxophones
When Alex was 4, and his parents asked him what he wanted to be when he
grew up, he replied simply: "A vampire, Mommy." Not much has changed in
the meantime, although if you ask me, I'd say his embouchure has
improved slightly.
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JONATHAN, swings and slides
When Jonathan was 11, fed up with his life of excitement, intrigue, and
gypsies, he ran away from the circus and made his way to central
Nebraska. After six delightfully mundane years surrounded by the most
prosaic varieties of triticum and bovine specimens, he was inspired to
develop a device to help herd cows, calling it the resonating
variable-length spitbox (RVS). But after a cease and desist order from
real media, he renamed it the trombone. And, in an ironic twist, after
a short bout of coma-induced amnesia, he has an untempered yen to join
cirque du soleil. |